Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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