So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
