Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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