im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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