It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We have so much sex to catch up on
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
These tits shall not be calmed
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
