oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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