I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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