She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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