Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
