i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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