Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
