Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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