I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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