$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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