I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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