I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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