I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
