bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
