When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
