I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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