So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
