Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
