if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
