my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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