dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
wanna go halves on a baby?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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