Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
