I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
