He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
