I skipped work to stalk him.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
