i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
