Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
