I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
