The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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