drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Is Oprah even human
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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