he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
