mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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