Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
