I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
