did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
