final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
