If i come over, it means nothing
if you like me you must not know who I am
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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