why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
