Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize