And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
