My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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