he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
