Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
