I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
