At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
