I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Randomize
