I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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