At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
