i need an iv and a liver transplant
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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