Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
