last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
