Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
