i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
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Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
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and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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