You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
then he tried to convert me to islam
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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