Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
