I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
