I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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