dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
