why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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