So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
