She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
