this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
