did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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