I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
only you would photoshop your dick
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
