You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
