we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
