we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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