If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
