I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
