I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
