I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Randomize
