Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
