I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
