five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
