I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
My feet surprised me
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
