If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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