she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
